How to Tell if a Man is Interested in Dating You... or Not!
By Deborrah Cooper
Ladies, if a guy had the gumption to ask you out, then he had at least enough interest to want to get to know you better. A date is NOT a relationship. A date or even three or more does NOT MEAN that this guy is your boyfriend! A date is merely time both parties have set aside from their busy lives to spend on each other exchanging information and discovering if there is any common ground and interest to build on. Until you are in a committed relationship you need to date several guys.
Now three things can happen during a date:
1. During the course of the date he may like what he discovered, be bursting with excitement and dying to see you again;
2. He may have decided that you are a nice girl but not the girl for him relationship-wise (maybe more of a friend); or
3. Being out with you was painful and boring and he would rather stick an ice pick in his eye than ever see your face again.
However, even if the response is #2 or #3, a guy with good home training will at least be polite and cordial during the date and what we call “nice” to you. That “niceness” should not be taken to mean there is any serious romantic interest though.
On the other hand, the early mention of things that would get your head spinning like him saying: “it would be great for US to spend a weekend in January up at my parents cabin skiing” (when it’s the middle of June and you are on your first date) is most likely nothing more than a seduction game to get the booty ASAP.
Here is my list of the top 10 things guys tend to do before, during and after a date when they are sincerely interested in seeing you again with the intention of possibly getting something going. Also the top 10 things are listed that guys tend to do before during and after a date when they have absolutely NO interest in you whatsoever:
Signs He Likes You
1. Before the date you may catch him staring or smiling at you a lot. If he is less shy he will create reasons to say a few words and strike up light conversation. He may tell you funny stories about his weekend, jokes, etc. This may go on for weeks while he feels you out for the Rejection Factor as he gets his nerve up to ask for your number or ask you out.
2. While on the date he looks at you a lot – lots of direct eye contact. He smiles at you, compliments your attire, smile, personality, listening skills, hair, perfume, etc. May “accidentally” touch you on the arm or shoulder, or do something quick like a hand in the low back to guide you to the dining table
3. He may make reference to something happening on “our next date” or directly ask you early on in the date if you are free on XYZ day to do this or that. He gets dibs on you early on!
4. During conversation openly shares information about himself and his life; directly and honestly answers your questions. Works at creating conversation with you. His body language is one of someone interested in the conversation – slightly leaning forward towards you, arms uncrossed, front of body open.
5. Voluntarily turns off his cell phone and/or text pager so that you two won’t be interrupted. Better yet, he leaves it in the car. In the trunk.
6. Tries to extend the date by asking if you’d like to go somewhere else after dinner or the movie and have a snack or a nightcap. He can’t get enough of you.
7. Walks you to your door. May be holding your hand. Lingers a bit probably hoping for a kiss, but not wanting to mess things up by being too forward so he decides to take the conservative approach and gives you a tender kiss on the forehead, a hug, and a big smile.
8. Says he will call you. And he calls you the very next day after the date; sometimes the same night! He tells you what a great time he had and how he can’t wait to see you again. May even ask you out for later that same day or at least for the next weekend. He wants to keep you busy so you are off the market.
9. Your busy schedule, your child that requires a sitter before you can go out, the fact that you live 30 minutes away are all not a problem. He proves that he's truly interested and that he will do whatever it takes to pursue you. His motto becomes “GET HER BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!”
10. Asks questions about you, your life, your dreams, your work, your passions, your child, your childhood, your favorite color etc. He is respectful with his conversation, listens attentively and REMEMBERS what you say.
Signs He is Not Interested
1. He rarely if ever speaks to you, smiles at you, pays the least bit of attention to you while you pine away with longing and create situations to be in his presence. To him you are about as exciting as a broken door knob. This is a clue that you need to move on and focus on some other possibilities
2. May walk 10 paces ahead of you at top speed though he knows you are wearing heels. Looks around a lot at other people, at his plate, at the ceiling – anywhere but at you. Falls asleep on you at the movie. May stare openly at other women, drooling as if they were a juicy steak.
3. May start talking about his last relationship and what she did/said to him and why he doesn’t trust women anymore and why he isn’t really interested in anything long-term and will certainly never marry! He is just out dating around “having fun” and enjoying “being a bachelor.”
4. Dazzles with bullshit. Uses a lot of words but doesn’t really SAY anything substantial. May grunt or shrug his responses. If he does talk, he provides vague answers clouded in humor. Typically tries to turn the focus back on you so that you end up doing ALL the talking. May lazily wait for you to initiate all topics of conversation then ask you the exact same questions you posed to him.
5. Anxiously eyes his phone and snatches it up the second it rings or makes several calls. You realize that he has been on the phone at least half of your date talking to other people – most of whom you suspect are women!
6. Looks at his watch frequently. Yawns in your face. Tells you sorry, but he has to cut things short due to an early work meeting he forgot about or a headache that suddenly, magically developed.
7. Drops you off at the curb with a “nicetameetchu!” and disappears with a roar of the engine. Or, if he is a gentleman he will walk you to the door to make sure you get inside safely, THEN say “nicetameetchu!” return to his car and disappear with a roar of the engine.
8. Said he will call you when you parted. However, hell froze over while you were waiting and all the little devils went ice skating.
9. Mentions more than once the fact that he always saw himself with a woman that had no children. Or he talks about how high gasoline prices are. In other words, he is telling you that he is not motivated to CONQUER the challenges that may exist to being with you. “I think you are great!” or “wow, I cannot believe you’re still single” or “you’re an amazing woman!” or something along those lines.
10. You feel that he is half there. He may ask you a question that you already answered not 5 minutes ago. You don’t get his full attention until he starts talking about something sexual.
So ladies, if a guy you are interested in hasn’t asked you out after weeks of contact and hasn’t done anything more than present himself as a friendly person, then he is not interested in anything more with you than that.
Maybe he already has a girlfriend. Maybe he is gay. Maybe he just got out of a relationship and is taking a break from dating. Maybe you are curvy and thick, love to dress in a style that shows your body, flaunting red dyed hair and impossibly long nails, into fashion and jewelry. And he prefers a woman that has a more conservative look, and who enjoys rock climbing, football, and playing with dogs at the beach. All that means is you just ain't his type!
Whatever is the case, you should avoid at all costs anything that even remotely resembles chasing after some dude. You don’t need to leave him notes on his desk or locker suggesting that he call you! You don’t need to try to find out things about him through friends, or tell his friends to tell him that you like him and ask how he feels about you. Or even worst yet, please do not take the reins and ask HIM out. Believe me, when a man is interested in you, he will make his interest known. That is just how the male ego operates.
Go out of your way to be positive and welcoming. Most guys are at least a LITTLE shy and would greatly appreciate the assurance that you are receptive to their advances. Flirting is good! Do that by complimenting his masculinity, intelligence, or knowledge on a certain subject. At the end of the date let him know that you had a wonderful time with him and that he was witty, charming and a perfect host. You could compliment him on some aspect of the evening (i.e., the restaurant you took me to was SOOOO AWESOME! I’ll have to tell my friends about it!”)
Then you step back and leave it up to him. There is nothing worst than a woman that cannot get a clue and who thinks sex with someone she barely knows, repeated calls begging for time or attention, or spending her money taking HIM out constitutes “a relationship.”